new

'new' is a lovely song by no doubt. it was on the 'go' soundtrack. i wish the lyrics were applicable. i'm having some serious issues with boyfriend lately... and i can't figure out if i'm just being overly sensitive, or not. (which, by the way, i am pretty much *never* overly sensitive. i feel like the 'man' in the relationship half of the time, because i just can't be bothered with some of the seemingly trivial matters that we argue about)

When we have a good time together, it's a really really good time. There is nowhere else that I would rather be, than in his company, when we're having a good day. And when we're not doing so hot- I wonder why I've just wasted the past year of my life. I am not as hot and cold as this blog may infer, I promise. I just am that passive-aggressive, that I'm at the point where I'm bothered. When I weigh out the seemingly pros and cons of the relationship, the logical conclusion is that this would never work, but it's nice to hang out and have fun for now. When do you draw the line? It's already one year... we have such potential. However, if neither of us are able to shift our perspectives enough to at least try to understand the other side, how can we ever move on? It's so frustrating.

More often than not, I feel like I'd be so much better off ending up as that crazy old broad down the street with like 85 cats.... no one to answer to, really. Cats are easy to take care of. They don't talk back, or criticize you when you want to go out and have a drink with your friends; they also don't make it seem like you're constantly picking fights with them. I *loathe* disagreements if only for the fact that I usually end up saying whatever needs to be said to just end the damn conversation.... I know in my head and heart, what I believe to be true. And that, sometimes, is definitely not the same perspective as the other person involved.

Tonight's phone conversation didn't end on a particularly pleasant note. We have plans to hang out with some of his friends tomorrow night. I was thinking around 8. So I asked if he wanted to come over and carve pumpkins with my mom and I around 4... that's 4 hours. Plenty of time. Shot down on time constraints. I mentioned that I didn't feel like we divided up our time between houses very well (he lives 10miles each direction from my house, i'm over there 3 times a week. initially because his car was broken down, and he was between jobs. he now has a job, but still has a not-so-great car. mine is great-2007 model, mileage is wonderful.) and he asked why i would bring that up at 11pm. I don't know why... it was in my head, I let it out. I am tired and frustrated, I don't want to do all the driving anymore. Gas is $3/gall. I haven't been on the schedule at work for two weeks. That's it's own 'wtf?!' paragraph.

So now, he's saying that he'll call me after he hangs out with his friends (who we're supposed to hang out with together) because i'd rather carve pumpkins...... neither of which is what i said.

Ugh... just typing about this brings up all that damn frustration. I'm signing off. I'm tired. And, my English teacher bites. First thing I do tomorrow, is to work the hell out of English assignments. I will work ahead, anything to never hear that woman's name again.

Going to bed. Sorry for the negativity, although it does feel nice to get it off my chest.....

blog title:
New is also in reference to my new phone... the motorola w755... it's purple and oh so pretty!

short and sweet

Let's stop putting sports stars on pedestals;

and start celebrating poets, writers,

scientists, and artists.....

i'm soooo going to orlando in 2010

in case you didn't notice, i'm a huge dork... and here's another story to prove it. i just read online that universal studios is building a new park: the wizarding world of harry potter. they're recreating hogwarts, hogsmeade, and the forbidden forest!! i'm super excited :) the books are great- i feel bad that there is so much controversy over them. they're very well written, and stretch the imagination... i loved reading them, and getting lost in that world! to be able to physically check it out, i can't wait. i loved the bernstein bears building they used to have at cedar point, i always wanted to hit up sesame place; by the time it opens-i think that my son will be at an age to appreciate it, too. he wanted to start reading harry potter with me a few months ago, however-i thought it'd be best to wait a little bit. he may play 'call of duty' and 'halo' and whatever other ridiculously stupid violent games at his dad's house; but not at mine, mister. the harry potter books do get dark toward the end, however, it's a great series. i'd recommend it to just about anyone. and a fieldtrip to orlando in 2010=the more, the merrier, kids!!! xoxox

happy thursday!

It was a good day :) Can I even say that completely, right now? It's only 6.30pm...
I had a great day with my boyfriend yesterday, and even though I told him I didn't want a single present, he bought me a few.... I tried to be mad at him (he should save his money for practical things!) but that attempt fell flat when I emptied a bag of goodies. Among the goodies: my favorite chapstick (softlips- the best!), my favorite chocolates (lindt-yummm!) and a kick-ass digital photo frame/mp3 player. On the frame/mp3 player, he already uploaded photos of my family and the beatles' "happy birthday" What a thoughtful guy :)

I had a math test this morning, I'm not so sure I did an outstanding job on it. I'm not terribly worried about it though, I've already scoped out the next chapter-cake! I can definitely do this! I sort of panic when I take tests... I think that's the thing. I've been going through boxes in storage lately (i'm sooooo tired of paying $100/month for stuff sitting in an aluminum room) and found some old school stuff. A few report cards from junior high and high school mentioned that I was doing well in class, but had poor test grades. I've gotten some pointers on test-taking since then, it shouldn't be too hard to work out.

The Art and Psychology tests I took on Tuesday came back today, I got A's on both of those :) Yay! We checked out some slides in the art class today.... Slides of the house that my art teacher built, on an uninhabited island, off the coast of Florida. It's a lovely house!!! He's very talented in his architecture, as well as paintings around the house. Pretty much all of his building materials were "found objects" and there are solar panels for electricity. I asked him when the fieldtrip to his beachhouse was! :) I could live forever on a beach.... give me shelter, food, music and paint; as well as good company and I'm the happiest kid around!

My uncle sent me a really nice email yesterday. He told me that he was really glad my son and I could make it out to Texas two weeks ago for a visit. He's "impressed with the person I have become, a thoughtful freespirit and doting Mom." My quiet confidence will continue to serve me well, I am on track to flourish and blossom, and my best years are ahead of me- he says. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy, I love it!!!

The family and I are celebrating my birthday tonight. I love my family. I feel so lucky to have a family like mine... I feel bad for people that don't have that support, that don't get along with their families. Then again, I have seen some families that are better off without. I'm just glad that isn't the case for me... I don't know what I would have done last year without my family. Credit card debt, a car accident, lost jobs, medical expenses.... so much to recover from. It would have felt impossible alone. I'm lucky to have the friends and family that I do have :) Speaking of, I'm going to go and spend some time with them.

second guessing

for the past few days, i've had sort of a panicky "omigosh, what am i doing?!" kind of feeling. i think it pretty much started with an unconstructive criticism from my english teacher. i've never met the lady, which is why i think i can conjure up so much anxiety at her words. i can imagine her to be this huge amazon woman, with ties to every teacher, school, workplace in the world- who could ruin my chances of being anything more than a restaurant worker my whole life without even batting an eye....

it was just one comment, and it's been a long couple of weeks for me. so, i'm not on top of my game. i just have to kick it up a notch, that's all. not get discouraged. even though my math class isn't going as well as i was hoping. the teacher is fun, the subject is not. no surprise. it was just like that in high school. it so much easier learning things that interest you... that are releavent to you. i'm really starting to like psychology class. the first month or so dragged on, but lately i'm digging it! one of our homework assignments is to watch a movie from her list of selections, and then write an essay about it. too bad she didn't choose "clockwork orange"-that film covers so many things!! anti-social personality disorder, behavior modification, classical conditioning. then again, that movie can be a bit offensive=so i guess it's better she didn't include it.

it's 9.30am. i should definitely get my day started. the 29th anniversary of my birth. i only feel about 22, with 7 years experience though. it's nice. i hope the youthful feeling never fades. i want to be like my grandma-dancing solo on the dance floor at weddings (rip grampa), jet setting to different parts of the country and world to hang out with family, living everyday like you're still alive-even when a big part of you has gone. she's an inspiration.

tangent. damnit. i *always* do that... start off saying one thing, then going way out into left field for another. sometimes, forgetting what i was talking about to begin with.

i was talking about starting my day- getting new stickers for my license plates, completing a peer essay critique for english, studying for tomorrow's math test, washing some clothes, cleaning my room, working out.... hanging out with the boyfriend, and my parents, i hope. at least a nice dinner. i miss them. our schedules always seem to be a little off. then again, when i'm not at work, school, or with my son- i'm usually at my boyfriend's house. i should spend a little more time at home. divide my time better. make a new schedule for myself. including a jump on next semester's classes.... oh yes. add that to my list of things to do today.

and do them i shall. right now.

brand new....

the blog, not the band... though their song 'jude law and a semester abroad' cracks me up. it's comical and painful at the same time. i like when that happens. then i'm not stuck feeling too sad or too giddy to realize what just happened.

i haven't blogged *honestly* in a long time. sure, i put up blogs on myspace, but those are typically heavily edited. i'm tired of editing. i think that i am finished, then. here's to laying everything out there and make sense of things... or just get them off of my chest.

hmmm.... i have a whole lot of white space that i can fill up with whatever i want. maybe today's list of things to do. get gas. it's $3/gall. which is better than the near five it crept up to, but still a hefty tab for a kid like me already struggling with debt. then again, who isn't these days? it's pitiful, when you think of all of the stupid shit many celebrities blow money on.... it's wasteful and ridiculous, and i can't help but think that i would *never* do that with money, if i had it.

i'll probably go shopping at giant eagle, pick up some 'healthy' food- seeing as i'm feeling a bit sluggish and unslim these days.... then i'll use whatever 'fuel perks' points i've earned toward filling up my gas tank. thankfully, i have a great car with nice milage. too bad i've got school and a significant other each 10 miles away from my house. work is easy, it's only a couple miles.

after the grocery store- i'll do my best to get a good workout in at home. exercise bores me. probably why i love bellydancing, ballet, and hooping. they each work the hell out of your body, but they don't seem like such a chore. eventually, those get a bit boring, too. then i wish i had someone to run with... or that i felt safe enough to run alone. the dancing with the stars dvds look like fun, i've always wanted to learn proper dance steps. the 'get hep swing' ads constantly tease me.... how fun would it be to learn to swing? it would tie in beautifully with my appreciation for some 'good ole days' nostalgia.

homework. ugh. i have no desire to do homework. math bothers me. i'm trying not to let a mental block stop me though, just because i've hated math my whole life-doesn't mean i have to continue it. i should really make a better effort to enjoy it. hahahahahahahaha.... as if! the rest of the homework is enjoyable enough. my favorites being psychology and art, betcha wouldn't have guessed it :) i'm a right brain thinker, all the way.

i suppose i should get the day rolling. they seem to fly by faster than i like lately....