...even diamonds start out as coal. How long do you work and wait for the transformation? What if you've got the wrong rock to begin with? You get a feeling though, a feeling that you can make it work. A feeling that tells you "this won't be easy, but damnit will it be worth it!" What happens when you step back, try to gain perspective and feel like you've lost the mine? It's only been 3 days, but it feels like 3 months. I've tried logically looking at the situation, making a list of pros and cons... even the pros are cons, in some way. Saving almost 80 miles per week is nice for my gas tank, but I would walk those miles if I could figure out what would make us work. We are so different, which most times, was wonderful. Entirely different perspectives were shared, and we learned new things. The good days were soooo effin good, and the bad days- they were equally extreme.
"we've been dancing on a volcano, and we've been crying over blackened souls"
There's no place like home.... to make me feel so alone. I don't want to wash my sheets, they still smell like you. I hope that we can find a way to come back together and make this work. It seems damn near impossible, we've had more than two decades of being who we are separately- if they don't mix, they don't mix. Oil and water. We can't change who we are, and we don't want to either. Who we are is what we love about each other. Is there a way to tweak behavior patterns and defense mechanisms to make for a more smooth operation? I don't know.
"so many nights, legs tangled tight.
wrap me up in a dream with you.
close up these eyes, try not to cry.
all that i've got to pull me through,
is memories of you...
sew this up with threads of reason and regret, so i will not forget- i cannot forget....
Monday, December 29, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
toxic friend look-out....
Great friends are like amazing jeans: They offer incredible support and cover your rear when you need it the most. But also like denim, it's easy to get used to a pal who doesn't fit you like she should. Here are some subtle tip-offs that you ought to make yourself less available as your friend's personal therapist or ego-booster...or even move on altogether.
1. Looking back a few months, you realize you let all her calls go to voice mail, even if you were in a chatty mood, because you couldn't muster the energy for small talk.
2. Your boyfriend labels you a "hazmat area" after seeing her because you're so bitter.
3. Upon noticing her new purse, you obsess over the fact that she blew $200 you lent her years ago.
4. After a long talk with her, you eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's to take your mind off her neuroses.
5. If you have a differing opinion, you reply, "You're probably right." It's easier just to get her off the topic since she hates losing a debate.
6. She acts accessible but always says "superbusy...but totes wanna hang out soon!"
7. She tweaks her successes into digs, like "It's funny — you were the one guys used to hit on, but since I lost 10 pounds, they love me!"
8. After you tell her about a life change (e.g., a new job or apartment), you notice her "support" is tethered to concern or doubt ("It's just that I'm so worried about you").
9. When she's single, you detect she seems a bit pleased when you tell her about a bad date.
10. You sometimes walk away from a conversation with her feeling like a stripped car.
11. When you see her, you never quite get around to talking about you. But you could write a novel about the crappy boss and hellish landlord she yapped about for 90 minutes straight.
12. Her e-mail that asks "Wanna meet up?" means one thing: She must've split with her latest guy.
13. A friend in common mentions something personal you had told your pal in confidence — the third time this year alone!
14. You avoid talking about a life crisis because her reply is inevitably "You think that's bad...."
15. She rattles off a list of former pals who are "dead to her" for some betrayal and adds "But you'd never do that to me."
1. Looking back a few months, you realize you let all her calls go to voice mail, even if you were in a chatty mood, because you couldn't muster the energy for small talk.
2. Your boyfriend labels you a "hazmat area" after seeing her because you're so bitter.
3. Upon noticing her new purse, you obsess over the fact that she blew $200 you lent her years ago.
4. After a long talk with her, you eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's to take your mind off her neuroses.
5. If you have a differing opinion, you reply, "You're probably right." It's easier just to get her off the topic since she hates losing a debate.
6. She acts accessible but always says "superbusy...but totes wanna hang out soon!"
7. She tweaks her successes into digs, like "It's funny — you were the one guys used to hit on, but since I lost 10 pounds, they love me!"
8. After you tell her about a life change (e.g., a new job or apartment), you notice her "support" is tethered to concern or doubt ("It's just that I'm so worried about you").
9. When she's single, you detect she seems a bit pleased when you tell her about a bad date.
10. You sometimes walk away from a conversation with her feeling like a stripped car.
11. When you see her, you never quite get around to talking about you. But you could write a novel about the crappy boss and hellish landlord she yapped about for 90 minutes straight.
12. Her e-mail that asks "Wanna meet up?" means one thing: She must've split with her latest guy.
13. A friend in common mentions something personal you had told your pal in confidence — the third time this year alone!
14. You avoid talking about a life crisis because her reply is inevitably "You think that's bad...."
15. She rattles off a list of former pals who are "dead to her" for some betrayal and adds "But you'd never do that to me."
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