new

'new' is a lovely song by no doubt. it was on the 'go' soundtrack. i wish the lyrics were applicable. i'm having some serious issues with boyfriend lately... and i can't figure out if i'm just being overly sensitive, or not. (which, by the way, i am pretty much *never* overly sensitive. i feel like the 'man' in the relationship half of the time, because i just can't be bothered with some of the seemingly trivial matters that we argue about)

When we have a good time together, it's a really really good time. There is nowhere else that I would rather be, than in his company, when we're having a good day. And when we're not doing so hot- I wonder why I've just wasted the past year of my life. I am not as hot and cold as this blog may infer, I promise. I just am that passive-aggressive, that I'm at the point where I'm bothered. When I weigh out the seemingly pros and cons of the relationship, the logical conclusion is that this would never work, but it's nice to hang out and have fun for now. When do you draw the line? It's already one year... we have such potential. However, if neither of us are able to shift our perspectives enough to at least try to understand the other side, how can we ever move on? It's so frustrating.

More often than not, I feel like I'd be so much better off ending up as that crazy old broad down the street with like 85 cats.... no one to answer to, really. Cats are easy to take care of. They don't talk back, or criticize you when you want to go out and have a drink with your friends; they also don't make it seem like you're constantly picking fights with them. I *loathe* disagreements if only for the fact that I usually end up saying whatever needs to be said to just end the damn conversation.... I know in my head and heart, what I believe to be true. And that, sometimes, is definitely not the same perspective as the other person involved.

Tonight's phone conversation didn't end on a particularly pleasant note. We have plans to hang out with some of his friends tomorrow night. I was thinking around 8. So I asked if he wanted to come over and carve pumpkins with my mom and I around 4... that's 4 hours. Plenty of time. Shot down on time constraints. I mentioned that I didn't feel like we divided up our time between houses very well (he lives 10miles each direction from my house, i'm over there 3 times a week. initially because his car was broken down, and he was between jobs. he now has a job, but still has a not-so-great car. mine is great-2007 model, mileage is wonderful.) and he asked why i would bring that up at 11pm. I don't know why... it was in my head, I let it out. I am tired and frustrated, I don't want to do all the driving anymore. Gas is $3/gall. I haven't been on the schedule at work for two weeks. That's it's own 'wtf?!' paragraph.

So now, he's saying that he'll call me after he hangs out with his friends (who we're supposed to hang out with together) because i'd rather carve pumpkins...... neither of which is what i said.

Ugh... just typing about this brings up all that damn frustration. I'm signing off. I'm tired. And, my English teacher bites. First thing I do tomorrow, is to work the hell out of English assignments. I will work ahead, anything to never hear that woman's name again.

Going to bed. Sorry for the negativity, although it does feel nice to get it off my chest.....

blog title:
New is also in reference to my new phone... the motorola w755... it's purple and oh so pretty!